Mark Zuckerberg is the Lizard Person we all Need
Every few years someone on the internet notices that Mark Zuckerberg looks a little off. Fact-checking sites politely explain no, he is not literally a “lizard person,” while online sleuths double down on the reptile theory. But here’s a revolutionary idea nobody asked for. If Mark Zuckerberg is a lizard person, good. Fantastic, even. We need a lizard person right now.
Think about it. When I was a kid our role models were fake superheroes who wore spandex. Some kids idolized Superman. Other kids idolized Captain America. A few kids idolized their dads, who were, let’s be honest, less than super. Today, the world is messier, and maybe a reptile-CEO hybrid is precisely the calming, mildly terrifying figure we deserve.
Zuckerberg is that superhero every child is looking for and every adult is striving towards. I mean come on. He’s filthy rich, probably owns a yacht, and secretly has reptile skin (that’s probably bullet proof). I would be surprised if he‘s not already fighting crime in the crime ridden streets of wherever he lives.
To the conspiracy theorists, I say that if you’re mad that a tech billionaire might have a tail reminiscent of a crocodile, remember that labels like “lizard person” are just modern mythology. The Greeks had gods, we have CEOs. If Zuckerberg wants to be a lizard, let him be a lizard. If Meta meetings were taught by someone who literally sheds skin as an onboarding perk, employee attrition might increase, but who cares… Now to Zuckerberg, I say embrace the rumors. We all need a superhero and you can be our lizard-man.
